July 14, 2009

Can't take my father-in-law anywhere

I am writing this post solely for my father-in-law. The man has enjoyed a successful career, has a lovely wife, 2 great children, 2 fabulous spouses for his children (I say that because I'm one of them) and 2 adorable grandchildren (again I say that b/c they are mine) but I think possibly the highlight of his entire life came about 3 weeks ago.

Our daughter (mine and my husband's - not mine and my father-in-law's - that would be weird) just completed a 10-week modeling course. It is a very expensive program where the kids learn all about etiquette, manners, nutrition, and modeling. I was lucky enough to win this course at a school auction for a fraction of the true price.

Although my husband loves to call it her "JonBenet class", it really wasn't anything like that. The modeling teacher let the little girls be little girls and didn't ask them to wear make up, get spray tans, have liposuction, highlight their hair or anything. I really think the class gave our daughter some added confidence and she loved helping me think up her outfits each week.

This course culminated in a fashion show. The theme was garden party and the girls were to dress a bit over the top like you would at a real fashion show. We worked on E's outfit for weeks and practiced her "slating" - where she would stand at the end of the runway and say her name and which modeling agency she was with - over and over again. E was ready to go and was so excited about it.

My friend Lindsey and her son came to see the fashion show and beforehand Lindsey handed me some tissues in case I cried. I laughed at her saying, "please Lindsey, I'm not going to cry. This is a silly fashion show for a 4 year old."

Okay, admittedly I did cry - seriously what is wrong with me? I'm such a sap. But I digress.

Lindsey and I packed snacks galore and toy cars, etc. for our little guys to ensure they kept quiet during the show. We know how those 2 year old boys can be and we didn't want them to disturb everyone around them. And you know what? It worked. The boys were great. They sat there and watched quietly and really enjoyed the show. I was bursting with pride for my little fashion flower and my well behaved 2 year old son. Little did I know that it was my father-in-law whose behavior I needed to concern myself with.

My son, being 2, has no understanding of social etiquette and he clearly had a bit of a tummy issue that day. When you are in diapers, you have the freedom to do whatever you need whenever and wherever you need to do it. Sitting on metal chairs in a quiet room does not help the situation of whatever noises exude from one's body. At one point, the seat on my little guy's chair sounded like a lawnmower starting.

Knowing him all to well, my husband looked at me immediately and said "uh oh, my dad is not going to recover from this".

I looked over at my father-in-law and his shoulders started shaking violently, his head was down and cheeks were bright red. The harder he tried not to laugh, the worse it got. When the lady seated in front of my son started laughing at his tooshie noises I thought we were going to have to call the fashion show off because my father-in-law was inconsolable.

Those tissues that Lindsey brought came in quite handy for the tears streaming down his face. Thankfully the fashion show was recorded because I'm pretty sure my father-in-law did not see a thing that went on after the explosion in my son's pants occurred. He was entirely too busy trying to compose himself - and not all that successfully I must say.

My mother-in-law was unable to make the fashion show but did call me the next day to ask how it went. She didn't get much of a report from her husband - other than the entertainment in Z man's pants. She heard my father-in-law still laughing about it in the shower that next morning Apparently he starts giggling about it at least once a day - even now several weeks later.

Poor Z is never going to live this down. I feel so sorry for the girl that marries my sweet son because there is no way that a wedding toast will slip by without this being mentioned. And yes, yes I do see the irony in that statement as I am putting this story on the internet for the world to read. But let's be honest, there are like 2 people who read this blog on a consistent basis - so I think my little guy will be okay.

My father-in-law requested a posting about the occurrence and so now you have it. I personally think he just wanted to have a re-enactment of it so that he can read about it on a daily basis. But if I have learned one thing, it is that I cannot take that man anywhere until Z man is potty trained.


  1. What grown male doesn't like farts?

  2. I'm starting to think all of them do. Please tell me my son won't turn into one of those! Of course, I guess it is in his blood...


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