April 5, 2014

The third child

Our first two children are a respectable 2 1/2 years apart.  One girl, one boy.  We were in our early 30's when we had them.  Life was good and all Beaver Cleaver-y.

Right about the time we were prepping our youngest for kindergarten we said, "Heck, who needs freedom? We should have ANOTHER baby. Yessss, let's do that! Free time is for sissies!"

Don't get me wrong, we adore this child.  I mean who wouldn't want to look at this face daily?

And clearly Baby Alex was meant to be part of our family.  The first two were a bit difficult to get.  Several years of trying and some very minor medical intervention finally brought them into our lives. This kid? One conversation and a bottle of wine later - voila! A month shy of 8 years after our daughter and 5.5 years after our son, we welcomed bambino #3.

Looking back, before polishing off that bottle we should have thought about a few things - and in all fairness to you, babykins, before you clambered into my womb we should have had you read/sign/date the rules about taking the 3rd place child position in this family.

On our end:

1) In many cases in order to have another baby you have to be pregnant again.  Maybe you out there in blog land are those people who had rosy cheeks and a darling little round belly when you were pregnant. If so, please keep that to yourself. I wasn't. I'm pregnant everywhere. Even my earlobes looked like they were expecting and that all happened within 20 or 30 minutes of conception.

2) I'm not particularly looking forward to that awkward moment at Kindergarten Round Up when the regular aged moms will have this dialogue in their heads "Hmmm I wonder if that little boy lives with his grandparents? Or maybe his parents work and his grandmother watches him during the day? Wait, no, hold on mayyybeee that's his mom? Hmmmm, can't tell what is going on there."

Since this will be my third time through Kindy Round Up, instead of listening, I will be drunk busily scanning the room for a parent I could have not given birth to. 

3) I predict having a child in each of the schools around town (elementary, middle and high school) at the same time won't be quite as glamorous as it sounds. 

On your end:

1) Dora the Explorer, Barney and Thomas the Train are out. Love you oodles buddy but I physically CANNOT hear "Swiper NO swiping!" one more time. It's been years since I've heard that phrase first hand and I just cannot envision a world in which I go back to it.

Since you are third you are dead last in line for the remote.  Your viewing choices will lie somewhere in between teen angst shows with your brother and sister that will be way over your head, Real Housewives of somewhere that is probably under your head and sports with dad.  I'd say the last option is your best. Just know we usually banish daddy to the dingy basement so your viewing experience might not be the most pleasurable.

2) On that note, Pump it Up birthday parties and Gymboree music classes are also a no go.  Sorry, been there/done that/not doing it again.

3) I suggest you get really interested in Spiderman and Lego Star Wars. We have spent enough money to buy a small Volkswagen on those toys and I can't see myself excited about purchasing/housing new stuff. They are all boxed up and anxiously awaiting your enjoyment. If you have an issue with this, I'd recommend taking it up with Santa Claus. (NOTE: Disregard if golf is your thing.  There is literally no cap on what dad will spend on golf equipment. I've seen it with my own eyes.)

Luckily for you I don't push gender stereotypes on my kids so feel free to have a thing for My Little Pony and American Girl dolls because I have a bunch of that crap boxed up as well.

4) Lastly, I realize you aren't yet 2 and that you currently aren't even walking (what is up with that by the way?) but you need to go ahead and decide which sport you plan to focus on.  None of this testing every sport known to mankind from soccer to skeet shooting over the course of 4 years to make a decision.  Let's get this show on the road. (NOTE: Sadly, baseball won't be your thing. This is based on extensive scientific research that has proven that the baseball fields are just too damn far away for me to drive to.)

Sweet baby, lest you think I'm sounding a bit negative I'd like to point out that birthing you really close to an age that begins with a 4 vs. one that starts with a 2 or 3 wasn't all bad.  Aside from the fact that you are unnaturally adorable, there are some other positives I found when having my later in life baby:

1) Being pregnant at an AMA (Advanced Maternal Age for you pups out there who had kids before you were middle aged) is kind of awesome.  You get test after test, ultrasound after ultrasound, doctor appointment after doctor appointment.  That, coupled with seriously in-depth genetic counseling that led to discussions about my uncle twice removed's proclivity to in-grown toe nails, gave us a pretty good idea that you weren't going to be born with an arm protruding out of your ear.

2) The day will come when your brother and sister realize we aren't as hilarious/brilliant/cool as they originally thought we were (I'm beginning to get signals that that day is reeeallly close) - but you will still think we are awesome.  Then right about the time you don't find it amazing that I car dance in front of your friends, the older two will have looped back around to liking us again. It's actually kind of genius on our part.

3) Finally, when my friends are crying that their babies are in college and they are sad empty nesters, your dad and I will still have many, many, many (sigh) years with a little one at home.

In conclusion, to make up for all the "no's" you will hear along the way because I might be completely uninterested in doing what it is that you asked, I do promise you more love than you can imagine, hundreds of family dog piles on dad, snuggles galore and a boatload of laughs.

Tell me, what did you get lazy about as you had more kids?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for visiting, now talk to me...