Worst Stay at Home Mom EVER

So I am not working currently. This has all occurred in the past few days. Long story. Don't ask. It will hurt your brain to try and understand it.

Although I have worked since the day I had kids. I always had visions of myself being this amazing stay at home mom.  Cookies and milk waiting for the kids as they come home from school to tell me all the details of their day.  A house so spotless that you might actually want to serve a meal on the floor.  A cute little apron worn while cooking a perfectly balanced meal all the while sporting beautifully coiffed hair - all complete with shiny pearls around my neck.  Yes, I truly thought I could be that 50's Leave it to Beaver Mom.

Wanna hear the reality?
Currenly I am sitting here in my yoga pants and a fleece jacket (even though it is like 900 degrees outside, but can't find anything else clean) with my hair haphazardly thrown in a bun that has not been brushed since yesterday.  As I look around my messy house I am sniffing the smell of a birthday cake in the oven.  That would be the birthday cake I forgot to cook for my son's class today.  His birthday is is after school is out for summer and so his teacher and I decided I would have his birthday party today at school.  Yeah, guess who forgot about that until they got to his classroom and the teacher reminded her???  Yes, that would be me, stay at home mom of the year.

When I go up to school to deliver said cake I will also be taking Honey Bear's bag that I forgot.  Honey Bear is a stuffed animal that gets a chance to go home with everyone in the class for a few days.  This past week was our turn.  I was feeling pretty cocky as I walked into school knowing I had gone above and beyond and had printed out photos of our time with him, cut them in fun shapes and glued them around the a two page story written from Honey Bear's perspective about his adventures with our family.  Got a bit deflated when I realized I forgot to return the bag he travels in.

This is all after I forgot to pay the mortgage, then when I got it together enough to pay it, tried to do so at the wrong bank, forgot to buy napkins and then served my family juicy baked chicken legs for dinner last night and forgot to take drinks on the picnic my son and I went on yesterday.
It isn't pretty around here. I am such an organized person normally.  I pride myself in getting things to school before it is due and having my children's socks match and things of that nature. 

I need a job so I can get it together or my family may not survive.